Welcome back to my blog and Happy new year to you all!
It’s been a while!
I am sorry I haven’t been keeping you all updated, but this break was very much needed.
As much as we try to be there for others, it’s just as important to be there for yourself. It can be so easy to lose sight of that and just keep pushing forward but in the end, you have to give in and that’s what I did.
As a mother and a wife, my priorities will always lie with my family first. I found myself at a point where I was unable to properly fulfil even just the basic duties that I would normally carry out on a daily basis.
It was then that I realised I needed to remove any unnecessary pressures and just take it back to basics again……. and that’s exactly what I did.
Now I am feeling much more like myself and ready to start again!
Last year was definitely another tough one in terms of my Mental Health,
It required me to deal with many issues I had been holding on to and also some I didn’t realise I even had.
Just a few short months ago I couldn’t see past days filled with Anxiety, restrictions and a life of constant worry and fear.
Having always been a very shy child and quite an impressionable adult I never really had an opinion of my own, always seeking the approval of others, it has prevented me from pushing myself to try anything new or exciting weather I craved it or not. Never having the belief that I was capable of anything more than just existing in the background. It has taken time, patients, tears, perseverance and a few more sessions of Curative Hypnotherapy.
It has been some journey and one that’s not over yet but I am now finally able to see with a much clearer perspective and a far more positive outlook.
Now finally at the age of 32 I am ready to embrace the real me and start to let go of the insecurities that I have carried for so long.
Hiding behind the name
I started this blog with the intention and hope to help and inspire others, to make Mental Health a conversation that carries no stigma, to remind ourselves to share a smile not a judgement and to always lead with kindness…… finally to encourage others to speak out and try to alleviate the shame and embarrassment that a lot of us feel towards our illnesses.
Despite that I have recently realised after getting some clarity, that although I am sharing my experiences, I am still hiding who I really am. Hiding behind the name of my website, allowing me to share my stories but still hide my identity.
The whole message behind this blog is to be proud of who you are and to embrace our differences, but up until now I have been too embarrassed for people to see the person behind the blog.
This I am pleased and proud to say is going to change!!
New year, new goals
Coming in to 2020 I am feeling the best I have felt in a very long time, I feel like this is the year I really start to tick off some of the things I have always wanted to do, but have always been too scared to even try.
Now I don’t mean a bucket list where it’s got things like jumping out of a plane, because despite getting some clarity and a new found confidence I am still very scared of heights and do not wish to do anything too crazy just yet. What I mean is things that I haven’t felt I am able to do, things that to some may seem easy but for me have been hard to reach goals due to my anxiety, depression and lack of self-worth and belief.
- Take my Theory test and pass my driving test
I had lessons at 17 and was ready to do my test but due to Anxiety it’s kept me from doing it.
- Travel more and travel further
Due to my Anxiety I really struggle to travel further than 20 minutes in a car, this obviously restricts our family greatly and prevents us from doing A LOT!!
- Get on a plane again
As I said before I am not very good with travel, in fact it is the biggest trigger for my anxiety and if that doesn’t put me off enough, I am also terrified of heights, so flying is a big goal.
- To start reading books again
I have always loved to read, but since my anxiety got so bad it’s something that I haven’t been able to keep up. An anxious mind is a very busy mind, trying to quiet it enough so that you are able to concentrate on the words written on a page, is something I have found near on impossible to do, now that I have a mind that feels a little less chaotic it’s something I really want to start doing again.
- Become a motivational speaker and Start my own You tube channel
Helping and inspiring others is what I really feel passionate about, I want to no longer use my blog to hide behind and really show people the real me. Letting go of my own insecurities in order to help others to do the same.
To spread the message of kindness and the importance of being kind not only to others but kind to your mind as well.
These are just a few of things I would like to eventually achieve.
Even just writing them down is a huge start, this time last year the anxiety wouldn’t have allowed me to even consider them.
The hope is that by the end of 2020 I have started the journey towards making at least 2 of these things happen.
I have already accomplished so much in 2019, that whatever happens this year I can look back with pride on how far I have come already.
Lessons learnt in 2019
2019 has really been a year of lessons learnt. It is no secret that I have had my struggles as we all do, but during that time if someone had said to me if you could change it would you? Change the break down, The Anxiety, The Depression, The Anger and The Worry I would have 100% said, YES TAKE IT ALL AWAY!! I wouldn’t have even given it a second thought because it has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. The pain and worry that it has caused my family and friends is just heart breaking, But now looking back in a much healthier and happier place, I have realised it was a journey that was meant for me, if I hadn’t taken that dark path then I would never have faced up to all the problems, issues and negative feelings I had been carrying and holding on to all this time. I would never have found the person that was always inside of me hiding behind the worries. I wouldn’t have met some of the wonderful people that I have, I wouldn’t be sat here now with the burning feeling of excitement in my stomach at the prospect of a new year and I certainly wouldn’t be sat here writing this blog!
Here are some of the lessons I have learnt so far: –
• Caring less about what others think, because the only opinion that truly matters is the opinion you have of yourself. (This is a lesson that I can’t actually believe I have been able to finally achieve, because the only opinion I ever had before has been an opinion that belongs to someone else).
• I have finally realised my own self-worth.
• I no longer allow the opinions of others to affect my judgement or the things I do.
• I am more confident and believe in myself and my own abilities to achieve whatever I set my mind to do.
• I am no longer intent on pleasing others but instead pleasing myself and doing what is best for my family and I and what makes us happy.
• Trusting my instincts and going with it.
There are many more lessons I have learnt, too many to list, but I just wanted to share some of the positives that have come from something so negative.
This is me
I mentioned previously that I no longer wanted to hide behind the name A Work in Progress, and that I wanted to really start to practice what I preach, so here it is, a picture of me, Hello, my name is Natalie. It feels so good to finally feel I have the confidence to say it out loud.
A Work in Progress isn’t changing, I am still very proud of it. I intend to upload blogs, but I am no longer going to put the pressure on myself to produce a written blog every week.
As much as I love to write, I would also like to make time to try some new things and maybe start ticking off some of thing’s on my list. In fact I have already made a start on my list for example I have just finished reading my first book of this year and……. I have set up my Youtube channel (the link to it can be found on my home page) there are currently no videos at the moment but they will be coming soon, please subscribe to my channel and click the notification bell to get updates of when I upload my first video.
I am going to end my first blog of 2020 with a thank you to all that have supported me through the good and the tough times, it really has been a massive part of me getting to where I am now. 💚❤️
Please remember that there is no shame in having a Mental Health Illness, there is no shame in speaking out and seeking help, there is no shame in taking time to look after yourself and there is definitely no shame in being open about who you are and how you feel. We are all beautifully unique and it’s our difference’s that make us who we are.
Don’t allow the judgement and opinion of others keep you from being you. 💚❤️
Question: – What lesson(s) have you learnt in previous years that have helped to shape the person you are today?
Question: – If any what further goals have you set yourself?
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