I just woke up like this

Having gone through different types of therapy and taking the prescribed medication for my anxiety and depression and seeing such colossal changes in a very short amount of time, people begin to assume that you are “cured”, and just like that life can return to “normal” again……………… how disappointing it is when they realise, you’re still a work in progress!!!

Today as I sit and write this blog I am having what is known in my house as a down day. 

Symptoms include:-

1. low mood, that for what ever reason doesn’t want to lift, it wants to maintain its level of lowness indefinitely, not necessarily with any explanation as to why it exists.

2. Emotional, Due to the low mood i am continuously on the verge of tears, to the point that if you touch me or show the slightest bit of kindness, concern or even an inquiry, it will result in endless amounts of crying……… irritating I know!!

3. Anxiety, UN-surprisingly looming in the background as always!! Ready to pounce at any given moment. However insignificant the task maybe to you or I, the anxiety inside doesn’t see things so clearly and certainly doesn’t feel it by any means Unnecessary to react at full capacity!

You may be thinking or wondering what’s happened? Well, all I have is I just woke up like this……… if I dig down a little and think about my feelings and where they stem from I may find some kind of a reason, although not seemingly worthy to most, it is none the less a reason for this boorishly dim mood.

Trying to maintain high spirits when you are constantly reminded of the barriers that anxiety puts in the way, it is by no means an easy feat.

When I initially decided to start this blog I really thought it should be uplifting, I need to make people feel good about themselves and not toworry about other peoples perceptions. Now don’t get me wrong I do want it to be all of those things, but it also needs to be a reminder that we are all human and no matter how much prescribed medication we take or CBT we have or even the sessions of hypnotherapy we go to, there will ALWAYS be days when we struggle and that it isof course absolutely fine!!!

Without these occasional blips we wouldn’t really ever notice the progress we are making daily.

In that moment it feels like we’ve taken a step back and its all been a waste of time, and you begin to think where did I go wrong?? But actually even the least anxious, most together people have days like this! What matters is, is that we push through it, however hard it feels at the time, we must always keep going because at some point we will feel good again………

At this very moment in time I am sat reading my own words trying to convince myself of their truth, I amnot about to start preaching to you by saying it’s easy because I am indeed struggling, but I know if I really sit and think about it, it is the truth and that’s why I am able to write it even when I am having a day of troubles myself.

Anxiety and depression maybe something that we have to deal with on a daily basis, but we must try to remember that it does not define us, it may consume us at times but it must NEVER define us, we are stronger than it and we must use thatfor better things like writing a blog or even just sharing a smile with a stranger, everyone has a story that’s untold and that’s why we must always be kind and remember however hard it feels, someone somewhere is always feeling much worse, we must never judge only try to make them feel good again.

For me writing about how I feel really is my therapy, just in the space of writing this blog I have already started to feel a little better, still not at full me but there are the occasional glimmers.

If I continue to talk myself up rather than down I will come back to me again.Walking, running, meditation, drawing or music anything that you feel helps in the slightest you should do, because although you still feel like you are barely afloat it is enough to keep you from drowning.One last thing before I go, remember to surround yourself with good people, there will be times when you feel that you need to be alone and that is perfectly normal, but remember that being alone all the time is not helpful. Being around family or talking to people you trust will always make a difference.

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