Do you ever find yourself apologising for taking timeout for yourself, taking a step back? Saying no to social gatherings whether it be family or friends?
Feeling like you should say sorry for taking care of yourself because you feel like you’re letting others down?
I never want to let anyone down and will always be the first one to help out, and will happily give my support to anyone that needs it, after all the greatest thing you can do for yourself and for others is to be kind! But saying no to someone doesn’t make you unkind! Taking care of ourselves is an essential part of living and surely does not require you to be sorry at all!
I believe that it’s people’s expectations that need the adjustment if they themselves require an apology!
What do you think? Am I being too harsh?
Not only that, it’s the expectations we put upon ourselves, we feel obliged to say yes instantly when asked a favour or to attend something even if it the idea of it makes us uncomfortable or it presents an inconvenience in our own lives or schedules.
Before I had my break-down I would always be too afraid to speak up for fear of “letting someone down” and this is where I think a lot of the issue comes from… for whatever reason as a society we believe by saying no to someone that we are instantly “letting them down”! Where does this toxic perception come from? And at what point do we move past this and finally realise that the only person you let down by committing to something you can’t, shouldn’t or don’t want to do is yourself!
Don’t get me wrong, thinking it and actually acting on it are two very different things, it is easy for me to sit here and say I will simply just respond no to someone, but in reality, I will sit with it and worry about it for ages, trying to figure out a way in which I can make myself available, or will myself to want to participate in something that scares me, makes me feel uncomfortable or quite simply I just don’t want to do for no other reason than I’m tired and can’t be bothered!
But Self-preservation must always be a priority! It’s so true what they say “You can’t pour from an empty glass”.
Whatever our status mother, father, wife, Husband, carer, business owner or employee,
We are always working hard for someone else, making sure that they are ok and have everything they require, and we forget to take care of ourselves and our own needs!
It’s at this point that it’s too late, and our glass is already empty and the damage has been done, we can’t go back and change it, but moving forward we can be intentional with our time and decisions, thinking about the needs of others but also thinking about our own needs. You and your mental health should be your number one priority, because always saying yes is not worth the colossal impact it will eventually have on you physical and mental well-being!
Please do not misconstrued this and think that I am in any way suggesting that we stay within our comfort zone or never put others before ourselves, because of course I am not, there will always be times when someone else’s need is far greater than our own, and I 100% would always help and support them even if I myself was not at my best either. The suggestion is not to abandon all responsibilities and everyone around you, living entirely for yourself, but simply to prioritise your own needs, to make sure that you too fit into that busy schedule that is life!
share a smile not a judgement
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